Can we please just have a tornado already??

I love tornado season. I think so many people miss out and don't quite know how to appreciate the beauty of one of nature's most destructive phenomena. Now I'm not the type of person who wishes death and destruction on anybody. (Well there might be a couple of people... Who doesn't feel that way?) But I am somebody who could sit and get as close as humanly possible to a tornado if I could just to feel nature rush over me. And before you ask, no I don't have a death wish. I save all my death wishes for having heart to hearts with friends and telling people how I really feel about them.

Today we were under a severe weather alert. Sadly, no tornado watch or anything like that. I went to dinner tonight with two friends and on the way home you could see the biggest, darkest storm cloud resting over Wichita. It is one of the most gloomiest I have seen over the past couple of years. To make it even more special, there was a beautiful display of lightning. You would think that even though it was so "severe" looking, that it was going to be a real doozy, but not tonight. I have been sitting here with my head resting against the window listening to that particular way the rain hits the house and the neighbor's driveway. It is the most soothing sound. Every minute or so there is very subtle thunder that comes in to make itself known. The window shakes ever so gently, making no more noise or movement than I would make exhaling in my own peaceful sleep. 

Sometimes in the summer I leave the window open when it rains and I feel the drops gently hit my face when I lay down. I wonder sometimes if it rains on my face so I don't have to waste my tears. Like something out there gives me silent acknowledgement of my fears and weaknesses. I feel like there are certain things about storms that are just like me. I sit and stew in my own upset or angry feelings, like gentle thunder rolling in. I get myself excited in my anger and I start to throw lightning bolts, and then the louder thunder comes to announce my presence in the situation. And then there's the final apex of it all, when the rain comes from my eyes. Sometimes the rain doesn't stop.

I find myself at six and seven and I wonder if the confusion will ever go away...